What better way to eliminate the infinitesimal amount of voter fraud in the United States than by disenfranchising hundreds of thousands of people? That is basically what the Republican craze of “voter ID” laws will do. These laws will overwhelmingly impact students, minorities and the poor— interestingly-enough, all reliable Democratic voters.
Funny how the statehouses and governors who back voter ID laws are all Republican. Go figure. They just want to save our Democracy and increase turnout, right? Never mind that a Reagan-appointed judge slammed voter ID laws and made Swiss cheese of the whole charade.
Courts, supporters and opponents of voter ID will be wrestling over these laws right up until the election, now just weeks away. It’s a game of musical chairs, and depending on where you are when the music stops, you may or may not have the right to vote. In the words of Judge Richard Posner of the 7th Circuit Court of Appeals:
“There is only one motivation for imposing burdens on voting that are ostensibly designed to discourage voter-impersonation fraud, if there is no actual danger of such fraud, and that is to discourage voting by persons likely to vote against the party responsible for imposing the burdens.”
Couldn’t have said it better myself.
[female positive sales voice, fast delivery]
After some recent judicial setbacks, the Republican push to combat the epidemic of voter fraud is going strong!
The Voter Fraud Vigilantes! Here to save Democracy.*
(*Not to be confused with “Democrats.”)
Here are just a few exciting initiatives created by Republican governors and legislators . . .
Voter ID Matching!
Prevent fraud by requiring voters to show they are in fact, Scott Walker.
Advanced Shape Recognition, Enfranchise-O-Matic!
Eliminate the possibility of fraud by eliminating the possibility of anyone else voting but conservative millionaires!
Minority Voter Outreach!
The Voter Fraud Vigilantes are a rainbow coalition of Pinks, Whites, Sallows and Rosatias— all working together to encourage minorities to participate in alternative voting programs . . . like not voting!
Income Screening and Job Training!
For lower income citizens, we offer job training instead of time-wasting “voting.” Remember, no one has ever gotten rich skipping work to vote.
Student Free Beer Booth!
Voting booth: Bor-ing. Free beer booth: Party!
Why hang out with the grown ups (where you may vote Democrat), when you can have a blast in the free beer booth!
So whether you’re a student, minority, poor, or some sad combination of the three, the Voter Fraud Vigilantes are battling the epidemic of voter fraud for you!
(*Epidemic may not be an epidemic. Odds of voter fraud are less than getting struck by lightning while reporting a UFO.)