Last night, Bill Maher dared the Republicans to just do it and impeach Obama over Benghazi.
And finally, New Rule: Republicans in Congress who cannot think of one single more important thing to do than investigate Benghazi for the eighth time need to either put up or shut up. Come on, guys, if this really is about the rule of law, and the Constitution, and Valley Forge, and Omaha Beach, where Forrest Gump saved Private Ryan — if you really believe Benghazi is that serious and Obama is that big a crook, then you should impeach him tomorrow. And I wish to God you would. Because it's the one thing that would make him popular again. (audience applause)
Now even casual news viewers have probably noticed a resurgence in the Benghazi obsession lately from the right, and that can mean only one thing — Obamacare is working. Logic, however, not so much. Because if you ask them to explain what the Benghazi crime is, they still can't. It's just some blather about "Don't you see? If it was terrorists, instead of what he said, act of terror, then Obama is weak and Mitt Romney gets to be retroactive president!" Ay-yai-yai. It's like trying to relate to someone who's tripping when you're not. Sorry, we don't see the spiders. (audience laughter and applause)
But rational arguments don't matter, because this is today's Republican Party we're talking about — a group that I'm convinced caught syphilis in 1994, left it untreated, and is now in the drooling and frothing stage. (audience laughter) I would suggest a drinking game where you and your friends watch Fox News and do a shot every time someone says Benghazi, but you'd be dead in 15 minutes!
And Fox News — otherwise known as the alternative history channel (audience laughter and applause) — has actually taken to cutting away from presidential press conferences if Obama isn't asked questions about Benghazi. Take that, reality.
Senator Lindsey Graham used a word I've never heard a politician resort to, when he said, "The scumbags are the people in the White House who lied about this." Then he looked at McCain, grabbed his purse, and said, "John, get the car!" (audience laughter and applause)
Last year, one of our Flip a District candidates, Blake Farenthold, said that he and his House colleagues had the votes to impeach Obama. The crime? Oh, details! The important thing is we have the votes! The hard part is getting the runaway into the car, we'll figure out the crime later.
Farenthold also said, "A question I get a lot is, 'If everybody is so unhappy with the President, why don't you impeach him?'"
Well, maybe because you can't impeach a President for making you unhappy. Or can you? Blake Farenthold, you might have stumbled onto something here. The Declaration of Independence — which is almost the Constitution — says we have a right to the pursuit of happiness. And if Obama's making us unhappy, then ergo, ipso facto, we can impeach him for dereliction of happiness! (audience applause)
So there you go, Republicans! You finally have your impeachable offense. Obama gave you a case of the sads. (audience laughter) So do it! Put your flag pin on and do it! I am serious, really serious. Rob Ford in rehab serious!
And here's why. Because when the Republicans impeached Clinton, his approval ratings shot up 10 points, to 73. Obama's approval is at 41. He could use a little of that impeachment mojo. So go ahead, haters. Make Benghazi your big issue, please. Put Barack Obama back on the ballot in 2014, so he can kick your ass a third time. (wild audience cheering and applause)